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Archive for the ‘Hillbilly Hygiene Mens Product Reviews’ Category

Ace Toe Nail Clipper

  

Howdy! This is Ronny Tucker with HillbillyHygiene.com with this weeks product review of “Ace For Men Toenail Clippers”   

My belt sander busted last November when I was trimming my nails and so I was excited when my wife, Harley, gave this to me last Christmas even though I did not think they would work.  

Before my wife gave these clippers to me my toenails looked like a mix between driftwood and concrete that was painted yellow.  

For my entire life I have not been able to use normal nail clippers but these clippers actually cut through my toenail so much that it sent them flying across the room.  

I think one of my toenails actually went through the screened front door.  

It was like I was throwing redneck Chinese Stars with my feet.  

One of the toe nails got stuck in the wall so we just used it to hang a glamour shot of Harley with a bucket of Popeye’s chicken.  

I don’t know what looked more delicious…..the bucket of chicken or the drumstick that was stuck underneath her 3rd chin  

Anyhow if you got Dinosaur toenails like myself give this a try.  

Just remember that you still have to sand your toenails down after you cut them or you’ll cut your shoes off your own feet.  

This has been Ronny Tucker with HillbillyHygiene.com saying “Toenail’s ain’t supposed to be as thick as phone books”

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Sweet Feet Chocolate Tea Foot Syrup

 

Howdy! This is Ronny Tucker with HillbillyHygiene.com with this weeks products review of “Sweet Feet Chocolate Tea Foot Syrup Foot Soak”

Yes this stuff is real and gets my old lady hot! My old lady makes me use this stuff almost every other night! She actually loves to pour the Syrup in a five gallon bucket and mix in some marshmallows and peanuts. She gets my feet going pretty fast by using a certain technique that I can’t even write about.

You can read between the lines I hope!

Anyways, once she is done giving me the old hookedyadoo and my feet have mixed up the syrup, marshmallows and peanuts, she then eats em right off my feet!

My feet are constantly brown from chocolate stains but I really don’t give a damn since I wear long tube socks.

My wife, Harley Tucker, is a big woman and has no problem eating……a lot!

She loves eating.

I love what she does to me when she is eating it.

I highly recommend this to any guy who has a big woman who is not afraid to do whatever it takes!

This has been Ronny Tucker of HillbillyHygiene.com saying “Feet and BJ’s (Wholesale Club) are a good thing!”

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Burt's Bee Grapefruit and Sugar Beet Shampoo

Howdy fellas! This is Ronny Tucker with this weeks HillbillyHygiene.com mens product review. This week I am reviewing Burt Bee’s Grapefruit and Sugarbeet Shampoo.

Where do I start with Burt? He seems like an alright guy since he looks one of my favorite wrestlers of all time Hillbilly Jim!

Man, when him and his whole family including Uncle Elmer and cousin Luke would come out to “Don’t Go Messing With a Country Boy” I would throw my cereal bowl across the room and start square dancing. My momma thought I was insane since I was by myself but what an inspiration he was!

Back to Burt Bee.

I will make this one pretty easy for you and my spell check button.

I would like to ask the men a question.

Do you want your hair to smell like Grapefruit and Sugarbeets?

I didn’t think so! Go buy some Pert!

This has been Ronny Tucker with HillbillyHygiene.com saying “Free don’t mean free unless you are drinking out of a lake”

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Billy Jealousy Liquid Sand Exfoliating Facial Cleanser

Howdy fellas! This week Hillbilly Hygiene will be reviewing “Billy Jealousy Liquid Sand Exfoliating Facial Cleanser”.

I love this product if I wanted to bathe in SAND!

I know why people are jealous about Billy. It’s because he is a marketing genius! To be able to call your soap SAND instead of what it really is and that’s DIRT! Change his product name to Liquid Dirt and see how many he sells.

I think he knows the answer to that one….. and by the way if you are scrubbing your face with wet dirt you probably are going to look like a mix between Freddy Krueger and Brother Love with a splash of Sloth from Goonies! You just ain’t going to look normal…..you just ain’t!

Let’s talk  about the product a little bit. There is nothing wrong with trying different things in the shower but washing with dirt shouldn’t be one of em.

I thought we were smarter in America!

You shower and bath to get rid of dirt but if you wash with dirt you never get rid of dirt. Doing this is like taking a dump with your underwear on. It’s gonna get ugly!

Don’t buy this stuff and if you really want to give it a whirl go out in your yard, put some dirt in a bucket, pour a bottle of soap in it and fill it with water and dump on it on your head. Saved you $20!

This has been Ronny Tucker with HillbillyHygiene.com saying “Pork, Pork and more Pork!”

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This is Ronny Tucker from HillbillyHygiene.com and this week I am reviewing Jack Blacks “Face Buff Energizing Scrub”.

 

 

First off, “buffing your face”?? Huh?? Jack Black being an experienced comedic actor should know better than to treat your nose like the hood of 1978 Ford T-Bird. Something happened to that guy since he did that movie “Shallow Hal”. He went from being a funny fat actor to sellin products that make guys worry about their “congested pores and dead facial cells”. Him and Arnold need to work together on my dream movie “Commando Two: Taliban No More” so they can both get their cahones back.

 

Anyways, check out the main ingredients on the bottle: Vitamin C, licorice and Menthol I wonder if I’m putting rocket fuel mixed with a swig of O.J. and a twizzler on my face. Now I got to remind you that this product smells like my 7 year old niece before she goes off to school. Notice I said before she goes to school and not after because the poor girl smells like the Skunk Ape when she gets home. The stink can only be stopped by taking a bath in Tomato Juice and hot sauce before she goes to bed. Damn kids at school call her Red Skinned Rhonda but she’s a good girl.

 

Anyways, this has been Ronny Tucker from HillBillyHygiene.com saying “Beans, Butter and Cardboard”

 

And that’s about it.

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 This is Ronny Tucker of www.HillbillyHygiene.com and this week I reviewed “Molton-Brown Radiant Lili-Pili Hairwash”.

 

 

 

 

At first I thought my old lady Harley was playing a trick on me when she said that there was a HAIRWASH named Lili-Pili. I didn’t even have to open the bottle to know what it smelled like. I’d bet a dime to a doughnut that within five minutes of putting this stuff in your hair, you’d be wearing a headband, tight shorts and a red tank top dancing around with that afro headed Richard Simmons.

 

Now I ain’t got no problem with Richard Simmons but I just don’t want to look like him or actually act like him either. Seems like a nice guy though.

 

Now “Lili-Pili” came from the Australian Rain Forest……Am I the only one that didn’t know Australia had a rain forest? I need to watch Crocodile Dundee again because I musta missed that part because I couldn’t stop staring at that Shelia girl.

 

Anyways, I guess Molton-Brown found a way to bottle the whole rainforest and turn it into an expensive shampoo. Good for them I guess? This stuff also has rice vinegar in it which would probably taste good on your fried catfish but shouldn’t be going in your hair. That is of course unless you get concrete in your hair then everyone knows you can use vinegar and WD-40 and it will come right out.

 

Now that piece of advice didn’t cost you $28 like this bottle so you’re welcome.

 

Thats about it!

 

This has been Ronny Tucker from www.HillbillyHygiene.com saying “Kill the Koala”.

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 This is Ronny Tucker from www.HillBillyHygiene.com with this weeks product review of  “Philip B Scent of Santa Fe Shampoo”

 

 

 

Now I don’t know if any of yall have been to Mexico but it don’t smell like something you want to put in your hair. I mean for the love of HeyZeus why would anyone want their hair to smell like donkeys and burritos.

 

My buddy Hairlip Miles used this stuff and the next thing ya know the old boy was dancing the Macarena to a Mariachi Band at his daughters Quinceanos and hell she is only three.

 

Now an unknown fact is that this stuff comes from the Sangre De Cristo Mountains which is the exact same place where that Chupacabre feller lives that kills goats and steals chicken eggs. Many people who are dumber than Ronny don’t knwo that the Latin translation of Chupacabre is Guta-Malyan which actually means small Mexican with sharp pointy teeth.

 

With that being said I can only recommend this product to hobos and hairlips.

 

So this has been Ronny Tucker from www.HillBillyHygiene.com saying “Adios Verde Zapatos!!”

 

Thats about it!

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