Welcome to the good times! My name is Ronny Tucker and I am what you French people would call an enterpremanure and American’s would call kick ass!
I currently do many different things with my time to help America but mainly concentrate on my men’s hygiene product reviews called “Hillbilly Hygiene”.
I feel it is my duty to stop American men from smelling like their 14 year old niece that is going to a Jonas Brothers concert or looking like her for that matter.
The major corporations out there like Paul Mitchell, Pantene, American Crew want the American man to have no balls much less any ball hair. I am here to stop them from taking your balls away, putting them in a jar of Radiant Lili Bodywash and showing them off to their friends while they eat tea and crumpets.
Hillbilly Hygiene is going to make men be men again!
OK, enough about my hatred for the big corporation’s!
Ronny Tucker, How The Hell Did You Turn Out The Way You Did?
I get asked all the time “Ronny Tucker, how the hell did you turn out the way you did”. Fair question amigo and here is the short answer to one amazing ass kicking ride called my life!
Ronny Tucker the Early Years
I guess my life started when I was born. My mama, Ronsetta Tucker, was noodling for a catfish Lake Trafford. She was nine months preggers and thought it was cool to take me noodling with her even if I wasn’t born yet. Well, when she grabbed a hold of the biggest catfish in the lake named Mussolini, all hell broke loose including her water.
My mama wouldn’t let go of Mussolini so he took me and her for a ride, the only thing is I was hanging out the back of mama holding onto the umbilical cord like it was a ski rope!
Thankfully my mama wasn’t a quitter and she never let go of Mussolini or me! I miss you mama!
Elementry, middle and high school were all kind of fuzzy in my mind since I didn’t go much except for shop class and gym.
Getting crazy at the Vo-Tech
Life started to get really fun for me when I started at the Vo-Tech. I studied Engine Assembly and really worked hard at it. The class was two semesters long and the first semester is how to dissemble an engine. I kicked ass at that and was at the top of my class.
When 2nd semester started up they wanted more money and I couldn’t pay them so they kicked me out. That sucked because I can take an engine apart quicker than my wife can spend $10 at Dairy Queen but I haven’t the slightest idea of how to put the engine back together.
Oh well, I still hold the record for the fastest dissemble of a 1982 Thunderbird ever recorded at Everglades Vo-Tech!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot! When I was in Vo-Tech I saved Julie Simpson’s, no relation to Jessica (trust me), life at the Liver and Onion’s 100! I can’t belive I almost forgot that!
Cast Netting Plankton
Once I got kicked out of Vo-Tech, I had to find a new way to make money. My buddy Clint Snicker had just saw some fishing show on PBS and decided that we could make a living catching plankton and then selling the plankton to Sea World for a pretty penny.
It took us a couple months to find out where the plankton where at in the water, mainly because they are really,really small. Once we found them it was all a matter of catching them and we were going to be millionaires.
We tried hundreds of different nets to try and catch these slippery plankton but they always managed to escape our nets. They are very elusive creatures! After 6 months we had caught 9 plankton and we decided to cash out and try another business.
Sea World was nice enough to pay us for the 9 plankton even though we weren’t licensed plankton dealers. Total sale $.09!
The Rest of My Work History
After I bombed in the plankton harvesting business with Clint, I decided to get a normal paying job in construction running heavy equipment and I was damn good at it! So good that I won the “Heavy Equipment Tractor Rodeo in 2001”! I brought my A game that day boy!
Oh Yeah! I almost forgot! I won “Terrosist Plot Stopper of the Year” in 2005. Busted up some ole Muslim’s face at the Swamp Cabbage Festival!
I did that job for a long time, before I saved up enough money to become a full-time men’s product reviewer which is my true passion. Sometimes people say if you do what you love and love the one your with the love you bring will love you back. Some shit like that!
Anyways, I love “Hillbilly Hygiene” and everything that it allows me to do. If I can stop one guy from smelling like lilacs then I can die a peaceful death and also because I met Charlie Daniels at a U-Pick farm!
Oh yeah, I am also married to Harley Tucker.