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Posts Tagged ‘Harley Tucker’

Sweet Feet Chocolate Tea Foot Syrup

 

Howdy! This is Ronny Tucker with HillbillyHygiene.com with this weeks products review of “Sweet Feet Chocolate Tea Foot Syrup Foot Soak”

Yes this stuff is real and gets my old lady hot! My old lady makes me use this stuff almost every other night! She actually loves to pour the Syrup in a five gallon bucket and mix in some marshmallows and peanuts. She gets my feet going pretty fast by using a certain technique that I can’t even write about.

You can read between the lines I hope!

Anyways, once she is done giving me the old hookedyadoo and my feet have mixed up the syrup, marshmallows and peanuts, she then eats em right off my feet!

My feet are constantly brown from chocolate stains but I really don’t give a damn since I wear long tube socks.

My wife, Harley Tucker, is a big woman and has no problem eating……a lot!

She loves eating.

I love what she does to me when she is eating it.

I highly recommend this to any guy who has a big woman who is not afraid to do whatever it takes!

This has been Ronny Tucker of HillbillyHygiene.com saying “Feet and BJ’s (Wholesale Club) are a good thing!”

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So the gay guy from American Idol, Adam Lambert, kissed another guy. Shocking!

 

Does this really shock anyone?

 

What shocks me more is how bad he sucks at singing! I wished he kissed a guy the entire 5 minutes of his painful song!

 

It reminded me of my wife, Harley, at Mug’s & Jugs Karoke after 17 PBR’s and then mixed with a raccoon that just got hit by a cement truck with a topping of the Skunk Ape mating call!

 

He SUCKED!

 

Made my back hair stand up and my ass hair lay down!

 

I’ll give him credit though, He has got some big balls! Maybe big labia…..I have no idea if he is a guy or a girl but I guess I am saying that he has guts……and probably hairy labia.

 

 

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I am a Three Time Indian Poker Champion

 

Now I had been a gambler all my life. In fact one of my favorite songs happens to be the “Gambler” by Kenny Rogers and I love his chicken too. I’d nibble on the lint out of Harley’s belly button just to get one sniff of that stuff. That’s some good eatin’.

 

Speaking of eating, several years ago me and Harley just happened to be at the Seminole Gaming Palace in Immokalee celebrating the first time we killed and ate our first raccoon together.

 

Those were precious times in our early relationship, I was a cocky iron jockey fresh out of the plankton fields and she liked to eat everything she could get her hands on. So coon eatin’ was right up our alley, and it was easy.  I could leave just some garbage out and then Bam! Dinner would just show up.

 

Cheif One Nut and the Eagle Claw

 
Well, Harley was hitting the Jack Daniels and Mountain Dew pretty hard and ended up talking a boatload of smack to Chief One Nut of the Withacootchie Tribe and by the end of her shit talk, some how I was smack dab in the middle of a high stakes Indian Poker match.

 

Did you know that the loser of this particular brand of poker has to remove a testicle with an eagle claw? Well I didn’t but I guess that’s how The Chief got his name. He wasn’t a good gambler at all. Well he drew an 8 of spades and stuck it to his forehead for all to see. Everyone knew his card except Chief One Nut.

 

That’s where my years of truth bendin’ came in. I knew his 8 couldn’t beat the card I had on my forehead, mostly because I could tell I had a 10 of hearts through ole one nut’s mirrored Eric Estrada Mirror Shades, but partly because I am 1/3 psychic ranger too.

 

Everglades Seasoning and the Rhine Stone Interstate Battery Jacket

 
Anyways, I ended up winning $250 and a lifetime supply of Everglades Seasoning and Chief One Nut had to remove another nibblet (I guess he had three nuts when he started gambling so he has one more left to go and he won’t be making any little squaws).

 

The best part about winning is that I now have the all the Everglades Seasoning I need for our Sunday Raccoon Special for the rest of our lives. Not to mention the Rhine Stone Interstate Battery Jacket Harley bought with my winnings.

 

It sure does make her tooth sparkle!

 

They brought me back the next three years in a row for their yearly “Indian Poker Nut-Off”. After I won three years in a row single handedly being responsible for 47 nuts being cut off by an Eagle claw I had to stop. I just started feeling bad.

 

Anyways that’s about it.

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How I Met My Wife Harley Tucker

 

I’ll never forget the day I laid my eyes on Harley Powerbottom! The instant our eyes met I got a sick feeling deep in my gut and it wasn’t because of love or lust. I felt sick because she was ugly as hell. Seriously… she had a bad case of the shingles and it made her look like Freddy Kruger.

 

I was walking into Circle K to buy a grape soda and she was in the candy aisle holding a PB Max. Damn I love me some PB Maxxes! Anyways my buddy Clint Snicker was with me and he knew her from high school. Clint has always been the lady’s man so he introduce me to her since he wouldn’t touch her with your arm.

 

Pure Country and Harley Tucker

 

I was floored when Clint said her name was Harley Powerbottom! First off I thought Powerbottom was some nickname the boys gave her because she was a slut or something but it really was her maiden name! Secondly and more important was that her first name was Harley! Harley! Ever since I watched Dusty Chandler sing “I Cross My Heart” I have wanted to marry a girl named Harley! I don’t give a damn how big she is…..…Harley Tucker is a sexy no matter what language it is spoken in. It makes little Ronny stand at attention every time I hear it. I would gladly spend the rest of my life pretending she is good looking than be with a woman named Donna or Mable.

 

Now for one second don’t think my Harley looks like Dusty’s Harley, it’s not even close. It would be like saying that my name is Ronny so I must be blind like Ronnie Milsap. I’m not blind and my wife ain’t hot but her name is now Harley Tucker! Dream come true. Check!

 

Mother Love Bone

 

Anyways, Our first date went great! I bought us a pint of Richards Wild Irish Rose and a bag of Beech Nut and made sweet love to her in the back seat of “Mother Love Bone”, my 1978 Chevy El Camino. You know the great thing about the El Camino was its convenience combined with a little bit of badass. I miss her dearly. We actually consummated our friendship just outside of the Everglades City Farmers Market and U-Pick Stand, the exact spot where I met Charlie Daniels just 12 months prior. Coincidence… I highly doubt it.

 

After dating for a months we decided to get hitched at the Pic’n’Run where the local Notary, Bernie McGirk, worked.

 

Since we got hitched Harley has put on an extra 158 pounds and she calls them happy pounds. The pounds are happy because they are always getting new friends everyday. Damn that ole girl loves to eat but I love her!

 

I’m All In!

 

We have been married for over 20 years now and it is still the same. We co-exist and occasionally get drunk and hump.

 

That’s about it.

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